Sunday, February 19, 2006

28 things to do in an exam

If you want to fail...haha!

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, tumble out the door and roll down the corridor screaming 'Hugo! Hugo! I have the documents!'

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

7. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level. Yell 'Die!' vehemently every so often, when the urge takes you.

8. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

9. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

10. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

11. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

12. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

13. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

14. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

15. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

16. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

17. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

18. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

19. Bring a water pistol with you.

20. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

21. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

22. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

23. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

24. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

25. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

26. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

27. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

28. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why I shouldn't fail this exam"

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